The Break Free Weekly Newsletter - Edition #7
The Misconception of Misery
Opening Remarks: The Misconception of Misery
One of the most common misconceptions about pursuing a porn-free life is that it leads to misery - a dull, joyless existence. Ironically, when people who hold this belief approach recovery with that mindset, they often prove themselves right.
Why? Because they’ve already decided the outcome. When things get hard, they take it as validation: "See, I knew this wasn’t for me.” And with that, they give themselves permission to return to the habit they swore off just yesterday, armed with the excuse: "At least I tried."
If this sounds like you, I want you to know - you’re not alone. That was me for years. I was drinking the Kool-Aid of this porn cult, believing the lie that freedom wasn’t worth the fight. And it nearly ended me.
It wasn’t cool. It wasn’t aid. It was poison in my veins.
Here’s the truth: when recovery is pursued with intention, it’s not misery, it’s transformation. It will challenge you, stretch you, and yes, at times, feel uncomfortable. But that discomfort has meaning. It has purpose.
Think about it: Does holding a deep squat burn? Does sprinting for one more minute feel miserable? Sure, it does.
But why do we do it? To become stronger - in body, in mind, and in spirit.
As you head into this week - embrace the challenges as opportunities to grow.
Featured Articles
Finding Your Why by PFM
“Without understanding your “Why,” breaking free from any addiction or problematic relationship can feel like an endless battle. My battle for most of my conscious life has been with porn. Learning from 5 years of intentional recovery, an essential part of living free from porn is understanding your why. When your why becomes a part of your identity, you can truly begin the road to recovery with a sustainable source of fuel.”
"Quitting Porn: The First 30 Days by James Mac
“The journey to overcoming porn addiction is often challenging but incredibly transformative. Recovery requires determination, patience, and resilience. This article breaks down a strategic plan for the first 30 days of recovery, offering actionable insights based on both research and personal experience.”
Escaping Porn Addiction - Eli Nash | TED TALK
Including a video for this week. I watched this a month ago as a part of my weekly porn recovery group. It’s a powerful testimonial!
Practical Tips: Change Your Environment
When I reflect on my past relapses, one thing stands out clearly: the environment. I force myself to recall the details - where I was, what the room felt like, and even the time of day. Almost without fail, my relapses happened in a dark room with the door locked, usually late at night.
This exercise of remembering has been invaluable. By identifying the settings where I was most vulnerable, I’ve built an awareness that allows me to act preemptively. When I notice that the environment I’m in, and the time of day it is, are starting to align for destruction, it’s like seeing the pieces on a chessboard moving into a checkmate position.
And when I recognize that setup, it’s my cue to act. I change my environment - both physically and mentally.
It might sound like a small decision in the moment, but it’s actually a massive victory. Like disrupting the rhythm of a spell, breaking the ritual can sap the power of the pull.
Whether it’s stepping outside, turning on the lights, or simply shifting my focus to something uplifting, these small changes have the power to derail the destructive momentum. Every time you make that choice, you’re rewriting the script and building momentum.
Community Spotlight
Biblical Wisdom from Brian
“The Lord wouldn’t allow anything to happen if it wasn't going to bring out some sort of good further down the line.
Just trust that whatever is happening is in his providential plan, and trust that He's already planned the victory as well.
This is the hope that stems from the Resurrection, my friend!”
Reflection
I am incredibly grateful for this growing community on Substack. It’s inspiring to see others share their stories and perspectives on the topic of pornography and how their personal journey of recovery.
The power of porn diminishes in the light and when people share their experiences with vulnerability to those with an open ear.
Let’s keep doing that, together.
Additional Resources
Book of the Month that I am currently reading
Takedown: Inside the Fight to Shut Down Pornhub for Child Abuse, Rape, and Sex Trafficking by Laila Micklewait
Porn Free Millennial Podcast of the Week:
25. The "3 Whats" Approach: Defeating Temptation One Step at a Time
Episode Overview: In this episode, I explore effective strategies for overcoming temptation and breaking free from the cycle of porn addiction. Using a structured approach called “The 3 What’s” — Then What, So What, and Now What — I’ll guide you through practical steps to gain awareness, reduce the power of temptation, and take actionable steps toward a healthier life.
Apps to Help You Stay Focused On Your Recovery:
Freedom - Blocks distracting apps
Stay Focused - Limits your screen time
I am Sober - Tracks your sobriety down to the second
1:1 Momentum Building Sessions
Are you feeling stuck on your journey to living a porn-free life? Do you want personalized guidance to help you take the next step toward freedom? Sometimes, breaking the cycle requires more than just willpower—it requires a plan, tailored to you.
That’s why I’m offering 1:1 Momentum Building Sessions—personalized coaching designed to help you identify the obstacles holding you back, set actionable goals, and build the momentum you need to move forward.
This isn’t about generic advice - it’s about working together to create a strategy that fits your life, your challenges, and your strengths. Whether you’re struggling to take the first step or you’ve hit a plateau in your progress, these sessions can help you regain focus and reignite your drive.
Ready to take the next step? I’m offering a free 30-minute consultation to explore your goals, challenges, and how coaching can support your journey.
📧 Email me at pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com to schedule your free consultation.
Let’s work together to help you live the life you were meant for - stronger, healthier, and free.
Closing Remarks: Wisdom in the Wake of Loss
As you strive forward on your journey, you will encounter losses and setbacks. Some will be expected, others will catch you off guard. Some will arise from healthy challenges - moments of growth that stretch you. Others may come from unhealthy choices or unforeseen circumstances.
But no matter the nature of the loss, do not let it darken your heart. Loss has the power to teach, to refine, and to build wisdom - if you allow it.
Instead of dwelling on what was lost, ask yourself: What can I learn? How can this shape me into someone stronger, wiser, and more compassionate?
Every setback carries a seed of wisdom. Tend to that seed, and it will grow into strength and clarity for the path ahead. Let loss teach you - not defeat you.
