The 5 Essentials of Accountability For Lasting Healing, Growth & Redemption
52 Weeks of Freedom - Week 14
This yearlong weekly journey is designed to help you break free from what I call the porn prison - a state of mental, emotional, and spiritual confinement caused by porn consumption. This prison traps individuals in cycles of shame, isolation, and disconnection, making it difficult to live a life of purpose and fulfillment.
Each Friday for the full year of 2025, I’ll dive into a key aspect of recovery, provide practical tools, and challenge you to take meaningful steps toward lasting freedom. Whether you’re just starting your journey or already working toward healing, this series offers encouragement, clarity, and structure to help you build and sustain a new, liberated identity.
The Day Everything Shifted
For over 20 years, I tried to fight porn addiction on my own.
White-knuckled willpower.
Guilt-ridden prayers.
Silent shame.
It didn’t work.
My compulsive porn use and my dishonesty about it lead to a divorce, ending a promising 5-year marriage.
This embedded vice that once seemed harmless to others resulted in incredible loss:
My marriage
My home at the foot of the mountains
My savings
My dignity
Almost my life
Even being in recovery since 2019, when my ex and I separated in December 2022, I started to slide into a hopeless spiral.
Starting from nothing. The life I thought I had ahead of me was dead. The only thing I looked forward to was being fed on by the vampire that sucked me dry. Nothing seemed to matter much. I was barely holding on.
Then…something changed.
On Valentine’s Day 2023, just one month before my divorce was finalized, my grandma was admitted to the hospital. She was the kind of woman who quietly changed lives by the way she lived and our family called her Saint Ann. As I faced the weight of her decline standing in her hospital room that was overflowing with my relatives, I was struck with a realization.
“I’m not building the kind of legacy I want to leave behind.”
The funny thing is that the same day before heading to the hospital, at the urging of my recovery coach Vern Tompke (host of Finding Traction and Pastors on Porn), I downloaded Accountable2You, a software that would send my brother an immediate text alert if I searched for questionable content.
I’m a believer that things happen for a reason and looking back on that fateful day, I think God was calling me back in the ring, to reclaim my identity and integrity → to lead by example.
Looking at the impending death of a loved family member can do that, among other meaningful moments.
That night, my little brother and I made a commitment.
We wouldn’t just check in now and then.
We would talk every single day.
We would grow into better men, better brothers, and walk out of the dark together.
It was the beginning of something new.
What is Accountability?
Accountability means being honest and vulnerable about your decisions.
In porn recovery, that includes:
What you’re watching (or thinking about watching)
What’s triggering you
How you’re feeling emotionally
What tools you're using (or avoiding)
What your goals are for lasting freedom
And most importantly, who knows the truth about you
Secrecy is where porn thrives.
Transparency is where healing begins.
This week, I’m breaking down the 5 Essentials of Real Accountability and podcast episodes that have not only helped me heal, but that I now teach and live by.
And at the end, I’ll share the bonus that accelerated everything.
Essential 1: Brutal Honesty
This is where it all starts.
Accountability without honesty is just noise and going through the same old motions of mediocrity.
To walk in the light and break free of the porn prison, you have to connect with the truth and carry it with you each day.
That means being honest about:
What you’re actually doing
Why you’re doing it
What you’re afraid to admit
And how committed you really are to change
I will never forget the peaks and the valleys I have shared with my brother over the years.
Not the edited versions. The raw realities.
The fantasies, the triggers, the shame.
The bliss, the growth, the victories.
We share it all and we empower each other through it all → the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Through it all, one fact remains…
If you’re not ready to be honest, you’re not ready to be free.
Once the music is faced, we need to fully understand the wrongs we have caused, both in our own lives and in the lives of others, and take real steps to make them right.
Accountability isn’t just saying “my bad” or “I’m sorry.” It’s more than admitting fault → it’s taking full responsibility for the damage done and committing to lasting change.
Essential 2: Choose a Real Accountability Partner
You don’t need a yes-man.
You just need one person who’s really in it with you.
Look for someone who:
Understands the battle (ideally, someone walking it too)
Can handle your honesty without judgment
Asks hard questions
Shows up consistently
For me, it has been my little brother.
We talk daily.
We share our stress, temptation, goals, faith, fitness, purpose.
Our partnership became a space of growth, not guilt or miserable company.
“Edmond’s transformation wouldn’t have been possible without Abbé Faria, who taught him skills, offered wisdom, and instilled hope. Recovery, too, thrives on mentorship and support.”
— Week 2: Lessons from The Count of Monte Cristo
Essential 3: Use FASTT Check-ins
Accountability isn't just about avoiding porn. It’s about building a new life.
The FASTT Check-in Framework is what I use daily and teach to others. It creates structure for a conversation that’s focused on growth, not just behavior.
F – Feelings
How are you emotionally today?
Are you anxious, bored, insecure, lonely, proud?
A – Activities in Recovery
What habits are you actively pursuing to strengthen sobriety?
Spiritual: Prayer, journaling, Scripture
Physical: Sleep, nutrition, workouts
Relational: Real conversations, family, connection
Purposeful: Meaningful goals, creative work, passions
S – Sobriety Status
How’s your actual sobriety since the last check-in?
Be clear, not vague. This is your truth-telling space.
T – Threats to Sobriety
What situations, thoughts, or patterns are threatening your sobriety right now?
What’s rising beneath the surface?
T – Tools to Combat Those Threats
What specific tools are you using, or need to start using, today?
Accountability software? Breathing techniques? Exercise? Reaching out? Latch on to something actionable and meaningful.
“Continue daily check-ins with my little brother by sharing voice-memos that are structured as FASTT check-ins.”
— Wednesday Wisdom: Active Commitments
This method doesn’t just track progress.
It builds self-awareness, structure, and resilience over time.
18. FASTT Check-Ins: A Powerful Recovery Tool - With My Brother, Noah
In this episode, my brother and I discuss the FASTT Check-In method that is an incredible accountability tool that you can use on a daily basis for porn use recovery (or other forms of healing and self-development). This method was initially developed by Dr. Milton Magness for sex addicts and their partners, but can be applied to many areas of life. Thi…
Essential 4: Practice the 24-Hour Rule
If you relapse, tell someone (and your spouse/girlfriend/partner) within 24 hours.
Why?
It stops shame from spiraling
It reinforces trust
It opens the door for learning and reflection
Because there was no real accountability in my life with my porn consumption, I learned to avoid apologizing altogether when it’s negative effects impacted others. Instead of addressing my wrongs, I minimized, deflected, or justified them. I wasn’t trying to be cruel, I was just afraid and incompetent. Afraid of losing relationships, afraid of judgment, afraid of feeling exposed, afraid of making mistakes, afraid of fear itself.
Looking back, I see how much harm this caused. I left wounds unhealed, let trust erode, and reinforced patterns that kept me from real change. It wasn’t until I started my journey of recovery and invested my time in deep self-work that I realized: a sincere apology isn’t just about making peace with someone else, it’s about aligning my actions with the person I want to become by living honestly and taking the next best action.
- Week 6: The Power of a Sincere Apology and Repentant Identity
I remember sending that first voice memo to my brother after a slip. It was raw. Embarrassing. But it short-circuited the shame loop that used to bury me for days.
Quick confession builds long-term resilience.
Essential 5: Use Accountability Software
On the day my grandma went into the hospital, I downloaded Accountable2You at my coach Vern’s urging.
It changed everything.
If I searched anything questionable, my brother would receive a real-time alert.
That decision added three powerful things to my journey:
1. Friction
Knowing your activity is monitored creates a pause.
That pause can be enough to redirect your thinking and break the habit loop.
2. Visibility
You’re not alone with your screen anymore.
The illusion of secrecy is shattered.
3. Proactive Support
Your partner is alerted immediately, not after the damage is done.
That means help can arrive before the spiral takes over.
Whether you use Accountable2You, Covenant Eyes, or Ever Accountable, the point is this:
Software doesn’t save you. But it strengthens the structure that supports your freedom.
I personally partner with Ever Accountable and recommend it in all my coaching programs.
PS - Accountability Software Episode is on the calendar for May, stay tuned!
Bonus Essential: Invest in Coaching
Some of the biggest breakthroughs in my journey came through coaching → not more knowledge, but personalized support and strategy. Personally, I began investing in coaching the same time my recovery started, in 2019.
A coach helps you:
See what you can’t see
Turn theory into action
Stay accountable to the identity you want to live out
Walk with purpose when your emotions are foggy
Move forward even when you fail
“My coach Vern didn’t just cheer me on. He challenged me. He was the first person to suggest accountability software, and that one push changed my day-to-day recovery.”
You don’t need to figure this out alone.
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🗓️ Book your free 30-min consultation and let’s talk about next steps in your recovery journey.
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