House of Cards
The Break Free Weekly Newsletter - Edition #17
Out of all the pain dealt by my past porn addiction, lying was the cruelest mask I wore → constantly playing the “Two-Faced Jack” or, more accurately, the “Two-Faced Mac” as my calling card. Over time, I’ve realized this wasn’t luck of the draw, it was the cost of the gamble. Porn consumption over 20 years stacked the deck against any form of truth in my life, constantly reminding me that the “house always wins.”
Looking back on that season, no matter how many chips I collected or victories I claimed, it was all a bluff. A house of cards built on lies when honesty mattered most, ready to fall at the slightest breeze of accountability, and fall it did → when I was all-in, losing everything.
I bet everything that was dear to me on a terrible pair of cards, a false sense of identity that was compromised. A lie of who I was and who would be as a husband, a protector, a lover, a fighter, a rock, an honest man.
I lied about my porn use countless times, not just to my ex-wife and countless others who trusted this man I portrayed, but to myself. I convinced myself that this double-faced Mac could remain unnoticed, hidden in the deck, blending in with the other cards I would soon play, but sure enough as the deck shuffled, this card came to the surface.
And just like the poor gambler who refuses to walk away, I kept telling myself I had one more hand to play, one more chance to turn it all around. But the truth was, I was playing against myself. Every lie I dealt out, every excuse I laid down, every bluff I made → it wasn’t just fooling others, it was fooling me.
The cycle didn’t stop when I got caught. It didn’t stop when the house of cards collapsed. It stopped when I finally called my own bluff, when I looked in the mirror and admitted that the only way to win was to stop playing a losing game.
If you’re still at the table, still stacking lies and hoping for a better hand, know this → freedom starts when you stop betting against yourself and start playing by the truth.
Featured Articles & Video
The Ace Up My Sleeve: Using Poker Wisdom to Overcome Porn Use
I write now from an exhausted state both physically and mentally.
Momentum Monday: Risk vs Reward
Just one peek, what harm could it do? Just one video and then I’ll quit.
Building Momentum
52 Weeks of Freedom Series: Welcome to 2025, the year of Undivided Triumph! I'm dedicated to helping you achieve a porn-free year with a structured, week-by-week plan, a post each Friday this year, that builds a strong foundation for your future.
Join the Journey: Start with Week 1 - The Year Ahead – Recognizing the Problem and become part of the Porn Free Millennial community committed to breaking free from porn addiction.
The 10 Big Bluffs of Porn Poker
Like a gambler in a high-stakes game, porn convinces you that you’re in control → when in reality, the deck is stacked against you. Here are 10 of the biggest bluffs we tell ourselves with porn consumption and how they keep us trapped at the table:
1. “This isn’t a big deal.” → The Low-Stakes Lie
→ You tell yourself it’s just a harmless habit, ignoring the emotional, relational, and spiritual costs piling up in the background.
2. “I can stop whenever I want.” → The Illusion of Control
→ Like a gambler who swears they can walk away, you believe you have the power to quit, until the cycle repeats itself, proving otherwise.
3. “Everyone does it.” → The Rigged Game
→ Just because the table is full doesn’t mean the game is fair. Normalizing porn use blinds you to its destructive effects on your own life.
4. “I’m not hurting anyone.” → Betting on a Lie
→ This ignores the real damage to your relationships, to the people in the industry, and to your own integrity.
5. “I need this to cope.” → The Emotional Crutch
→ Porn offers a temporary escape, but like a gambler chasing losses, it only leaves you more empty, ashamed, and alone.
6. “Once I get married, this won’t be a problem.” → The False Win
→ Marriage doesn’t erase addiction. If you bring unresolved habits into your relationship, they’ll corrupt your intimacy like a bad hand ruining a good game.
7. “As long as I’m not watching the really bad stuff, it’s fine.” → The Shifting Bet
→ Setting arbitrary limits lets you justify behavior that still keeps you trapped at the table, ignoring the real issue → your dependency.
8. “I can keep this hidden forever.” → Playing With a Marked Deck
→ You think you’re fooling everyone, but secrets have a way of surfacing. Sooner or later, the truth gets exposed.
9. “God understands, I’ll just ask for forgiveness later.” → Cheap Grace, Costly Consequences
→ Treating grace like a get-out-of-jail-free card keeps you in a cycle of sin and shame instead of pursuing real transformation.
10. “This is just who I am.” → Folding Before the Comeback
→ The most dangerous lie of all, believing you can’t change. The truth? Freedom is possible, but you have to go all-in on the fight.
Time to Play by Your Own Rules
For years, I let porn set the rules → rigging the game against me, stacking the deck with lies, and keeping me stuck in a cycle of loss. But I don’t have to play by its rules anymore. Neither do you.
The choice is yours. Will you keep playing a losing game, or will you take back control, set your own values, and go all-in on real freedom?
Community Spotlight
shares great wisdom on the topic of shame and it’s ability to keep important concerns in a trapped silence.
Reflection
![Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point..." - Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov - [1280x720] : r/QuotesPorn](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!rmUZ!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fdf8bc070-ee61-40fa-b745-3a09aba3627f_1280x720.jpeg "Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point...\" - Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov - [1280x720] : r/QuotesPorn")
Additional Resources
Book of the Month that I am currently reading: Atomic Habits by James Clear
Porn Free Millennial Podcast of the Week:
Apps to Help You Stay Focused On Your Recovery:
Freedom - Blocks distracting apps
Stay Focused - Limits your screen time
I am Sober - Tracks your sobriety down to the second
Call to Action: List Out Your Lies
It’s time to call your own bluff. Take a moment to write down the lies you’ve been telling yourself about porn → the justifications, the excuses, the false promises. Be brutally honest. Seeing them in front of you is the first step to breaking their power.
Lying in addiction takes many forms, often becoming second nature as a way to maintain secrecy, avoid accountability, and protect the habit.
Here are some common ways lying manifests in addiction, specifically in the context of porn use:
1. Straight-Up Denial – "I don’t have a problem."
Refusing to acknowledge the issue, even when confronted with clear evidence.
2. Minimization – "It’s not that bad."
Downplaying the severity, frequency, or impact of porn use to justify continuing.
3. Justification – "I had a stressful day, I deserve this."
Using external circumstances as an excuse to act out.
4. False Promises – "This is the last time."
Telling yourself (or others) you’ll quit, only to go back when temptation hits.
5. Deception by Omission – "I just struggle with temptation sometimes."
Leaving out key details to make it seem like the problem is smaller than it really is.
6. Blame-Shifting – "If my spouse was more available, I wouldn’t need this."
Putting the responsibility on others rather than taking ownership of personal choices.
7. Secrecy & Cover-Ups – Clearing browser history, using incognito mode, or hiding devices.
Taking active steps to conceal behavior to avoid detection.
8. Gaslighting – "You’re overreacting, it’s not a big deal."
Making others feel like they’re crazy or unreasonable for being upset about the addiction.
9. Compartmentalization – Acting like the addiction exists in a separate world.
Convincing yourself that your porn use doesn’t affect your relationships, faith, or identity.
10. Self-Delusion – "I’m still a good, honest person."
Believing that as long as no one finds out, the addiction doesn’t define you.
Breaking free from addiction starts with recognizing these lies and confronting them with the truth. The longer you deceive yourself, the harder it becomes to escape.
Closing Remarks: Lying is a Loser’s Game
You can’t win if you’re playing against yourself. The longer you keep dealing out lies, the more you lose → your integrity, your relationships, your peace.
The only way to break the cycle is to stop bluffing and start telling the truth. The game ends when you decide to walk away.
Keep fighting the good fight.
Break Free.
Be Free.
Stay Free.
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Let’s thrive together and break the chains that bind us!
Podcast: Listen to the Porn Free Millennial podcast on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
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Wow, way to call it out. Self deception and lying to oneself about what’s really going on with the secret porn habit. It’s such a common problem these days.
Thank you for opening up here, Mac. You know I know what addiction is, but I’m not sure was porn addiction is like at all.
Really helpful insights, thank you