The Carnal Carnival Ride of Anxiety
The Break Free Weekly Newsletter - Edition #23
Consuming Porn is a Stressful Ride
Look at the image above. Does that image look familiar? It does to me.
This is an image of a conflicted man, an isolated soul. Someone on a ride that was more than he bargained for. A ride that he thought would be free, but instead brings with it the heavy weight of anxiety.
The door is locked.
The room is dark.
The only light left dances in his eyes—emanating not from joy, but from emptiness.
Bodies thriving and pulsing on screen.
Unnatural sounds turned low, not to attract attention, while his full attention is captured by the alluring act.
Instead of blissful whimsey, his mind can’t stop racing.
I should stop. Keep going, you’re already here. I really should stop. Just a little longer on the ride. You deserve this. Okay... just a little while longer. What was that noise? Did I lock the door? Don’t get caught. I should stop. It’s fine. No one will know. Do they know? How would they know? I need to tell her. Do you need to tell her now though? You’ve gotten away with this before. I know I have... but I want to stop! If you wanted to stop, then why are you here? I don’t know why I can’t stop. Okay then... keep going. And enjoy the ride…
This is a man caught in the carnal carnival.
A spectacle of sensation.
A ride he can’t seem to get off.
At first, it felt like a great idea.
An exhilarating escape.
Now?
It’s the Drop Tower of Dread, each plunge more nauseating than the last.
The anxiety accelerates
with every turn, every pause, every sudden stop.
The initial thrill?
Now just a chill down the spine.
The empty thoughts?
Now bloated with questions…
And looming consequences.
He knows she’ll be crushed.
Again.
And for what?
A moment of amusement?
A flicker of fake intimacy?
A ride that never leads anywhere worth going?
A ride that I was on for over 20 years.
A silent sadness.
A building madness.
The ride is not worth it.
It’s a trap.
I want you to know
there’s life outside the park.
A life that is rich and abundant.
A life where you’re not strapped into your chair with no end in sight.
A life where you have a say in where you go.
A life where you are in control.
I implore you
Take a break from this carnal carnival.
Step outside.
Get some fresh air.
The ride stops when you decide.
Much Love,
Mac
Featured Articles
👉 Guest Article: This article by who I recently interviewed on my Porn Free Millennial Podcast.
This article brings much needed levity and wisdom to the topic of stress. Enjoy and check out his publication!
Tim is a recovered food addict, ex-binge eater, and Primal Health Coach who helps men and women find a clear, compassionate, no-bullshit path toward a radically healthy and happy life. His publication is Time2Thrive.
✍️ A Porn Free Millennial poem I wrote when thinking about a word I could place on how I felt while and after consuming porn.
🎙️Podcast Clip: In this clip from my conversation with , we discuss the importance of identity and habits in recovery.
Community Spotlight
Ever since I have known on Substack, he’s been nothing but kind and encouraging. Here’s a great quote he shared recently about accepting grace. Check out Michael!
Building Momentum
52 Weeks of Freedom Series: Welcome to 2025, the year of Undivided Triumph! I'm dedicated to helping you achieve a porn-free year with a structured, week-by-week plan, a post each Friday this year, that builds a strong foundation for your future.
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Reflection
When the material world is stripped away, what matters is what is left.
Additional Resources
Book of the Month that I am currently reading: Atomic Habits by James Clear
Porn Free Millennial Podcast of the Week:
36. Recognizing That Porn is a Problem: The Real Debt of Porn
What does addiction really cost you? It's not just financial cost but it's a debt you can't always see, until it's too late. In this episode, I share my personal journey of how years of ignoring the problem of porn addiction spiraled into a life-altering debt of spiritual, physical, and mental chains. The price of denial? Far higher than I ever imagined.
Apps to Help You Stay Focused On Your Recovery:
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Your Challenge for the Week:
You’ve seen what the ride looks like.
You’ve felt its highs.
You’ve suffered its crashes.
Now I challenge you
Look ahead.
Two years from now.
Where could you be…
if you step off the ride today?
Who might you become
if you stop numbing and start healing?
What could be rebuilt, restored, or rediscovered
your trust, your purpose, your relationships
if you start walking now, even slowly, even shakily, toward the exit?
It's easy to feel stuck, strapped into your seat.
But you’re not powerless.
You’re not doomed to go in circles forever.
Two years from now,
you’ll either still be clinging to the lap bar → white-knuckled, afraid, exhausted...
or you’ll be standing on solid ground,
because you chose to step off.
Start building now.
Even if it’s messy.
Even if it feels like crawling uphill in the dark.
Even if you fall and get back on the ride again
keep choosing freedom.
Two years from now, your future self will thank you.
Closing Thoughts:
Two years ago, I didn’t know how I was going to make it through.
Porn had its grip on me.
And the ride felt endless.
But I’m here now, living proof that you can get off.
That healing is real.
That peace doesn’t come all at once…
but it does come.
One day.
One step.
One surrender at a time.
There is life beyond the carnal carnival.
You were not made to live in loops.
You were made to live in love.
To walk in truth.
To stand in the light.
And the first step…
is deciding the ride is no longer worth it.
Break Free.
Stay Free.
Be Free.
Keep fighting the good fight!
P.S. If this resonated with you, like this post and share it with someone who needs to hear it.
And if you have thoughts or questions, I’d love to hear from you, leave a comment or send me a message!
Keep fighting the good fight.
Break Free. Be Free. Stay Free.
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Where Else You Can Find Me
Let’s thrive together and break the chains that bind us!
Podcast: Listen to the Porn Free Millennial podcast on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
Substack: Explore my fictional writings on Mac’s Musings Substack.
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Thanks for the mention, Mac!
Your post today really highlights the emptiness of endless, guilty thrill-seeking consumption. Nothing created, nothing to show for it. Except wasted potential and scattered energy.
Entropy.
We can do better.
I felt this piece, I have been there… have not fully overcome this, but getting better each day. Thank you for sharing this, it was a much needed read