Sun's Out, Buns Out
52 Weeks of Freedom - Week 19
This yearlong weekly journey is designed to help you break free from what I call the porn prison - a state of mental, emotional, and spiritual confinement caused by porn consumption. This prison traps individuals in cycles of shame, isolation, and disconnection, making it difficult to live a life of purpose and fulfillment.
Each Friday for the full year of 2025, I’ll dive into a key aspect of recovery, provide practical tools, and challenge you to take meaningful steps toward lasting freedom. Whether you’re just starting your journey or already working toward healing, this series offers encouragement, clarity, and structure to help you build and sustain a new, liberated identity.
Sun’s Out, Buns Out
Spring is here and the sun is out…and so are the buns.
Not just the kind you’re tossing on the grill at a backyard cookout, but the other kind too.
You know what I mean.
In the vibrancy of spring and the heat of summer, when the layers come off, so do many men’s filters. It’s that time of year when everything outside comes alive and so do old temptations.
It’s easy to let your eyes linger.
To take a second glance... or a third.
To mentally capture an image and store it away like a photo in your personal highlight reel.
That’s where the line between admiration and objectification can quietly disappear.
Just a few days ago, I had one of those unexpected triggering moments that reminded me how quickly this can happen.
I was walking through the Walmart parking lot and heard some college-aged girls laughing nearby. Out of instinct, I glanced over.
Nothing seemed out of place at first.
But when I looked again, I realized one of them wasn’t wearing pants and she was attractive.
Boom. Without consent, my brain had an image it didn’t ask for, but now had to deal with.
Thankfully, I was on the phone with my girlfriend and mentioned it right away.
Later, I checked in with my accountability partner, my younger brother, and shared the story openly.
One thing I kept repeating was:
“What am I going to do with this information?”
The answer was simple:
Nothing.
I don’t need to act on it. I’m not obligated to dwell on it or give it more airtime in my mind.
So I prayed and asked Christ to remove it and He did.
The image faded, and the peace returned.
That moment reminded me that while we can’t always control what we see, we can control what we do with what we see.
Admiration vs. Objectification
To be clear off-the-bat, there’s nothing wrong with noticing that a woman is beautiful.
Admiration is natural, and I’d argue, good.
From my perspective, admiration means appreciation with respect.
But when respect exits the room, and we zoom in on pleasure, possession, or fantasy, we’re no longer admiring.
We’re objectifying.
And objectification isn’t just a porn problem.
It’s a mindset problem.
A way of viewing someone as a thing rather than a person.
I've lived in both modes, and I can tell you, only one leads to peace.
So be honest with yourself:
Are you truly admiring beauty and moving on?
Or are you stuck in sexual preoccupation, hoarding images for later?
If the warmer weather has your integrity sweating, here are 3 simple mindset shifts that help me stay grounded:
1. Humanize
That woman is not an anonymous body.
She is an autonomous human being with a soul, a story, and someone who loves her.
She’s someone’s daughter. Someone’s wife. Someone’s girlfriend.
Not your toy.
Not your snack.
Not your possession.
When you humanize the person in front of you, it disrupts the fantasy and invites respect back into the room.
She’s not a character in your imagination.
She’s a person with dreams, dignity, and divine worth.
2. Empathize
Flip the scenario.
Imagine someone looking at you the way you’re tempted to look at her, gawking like you’re nothing more than a slab of meat, a walking object of lust, a body without a soul.
It doesn’t feel good, does it?
Now, some men might joke, “I wish women would look at me like that!”
But that’s not their desire speaking, it’s programming.
It’s the residue of porn culture, which has trained men to believe that being reduced to a sex object is somehow flattering.
It’s not. It’s hollow. It’s performative.
You are more than your body.
You are more than your sexual desires.
You were made for dignity, not display.
That same truth applies to women.
The objectifying gaze doesn’t float by unnoticed.
You might think you’re being slick, but women feel it.
And for many, it’s unsettling. Dehumanizing. Even threatening.
Empathy helps us break habits that selfishness sustains and clears the air of that craving’s creepy scent.
It brings your humanity back online.
And it’s one of the strongest steps you can take toward becoming a man of integrity.
Because real men don’t just look, they see.
3. Prioritize
Let’s say you did indulge in that lingering look or mental replay.
What did it cost?
Time?
Focus?
Trust?
Your relationship?
Your sobriety?
Your connection with God?
Lust always makes big promises with small returns.
And too often, we trade what matters most for what feels good now.
If you want to walk in freedom, you’ve got to prioritize your integrity, the quality of your thoughts, and the impact of your actions.
Choose to prioritize humanity over objectification.
When you treat yourself with respect, you will also treat others with respect.
Final Thoughts
This spring and summer, the sun will be out and so will the buns. But you don’t have to lose your integrity with every curve that catches your eye.
Remember → Humanize. Empathize. Prioritize.
You can still admire beauty without being ruled by it.
Try it this weekend and let me know how it goes. You might just find that living with respect brings more joy than chasing fantasy ever could.
Stay cool-headed out there.
Stay free.
Weekend Challenge: Tending to the Seed 🌱
This weekend, every time you notice someone attractive and feel yourself starting to sexualize them, pause and run this 3-second filter through your mind.
Humanize. Empathize. Prioritize.
👁️ Humanize – Remind yourself → this is a person, not a prop.
💭 Empathize – Ask → how would I feel being looked at this way?
🎯 Prioritize – Choose your mission over the moment.
Your goal → Walk away with a clear conscience, not a cluttered imagination.
Bonus → Journal one moment where you chose respect over objectification and how it made you feel.
Let’s make admiration noble again.
You in?
Partnership – Why I Recommend Ever Accountable
I don’t promote anything I wouldn’t personally use or trust with my own recovery.
That’s why I’ve partnered with Ever Accountable the accountability software I use myself and recommend.
Porn thrives in secrecy.
But recovery requires visibility and friction and that’s exactly what this software creates.
It’s not about shame.
It’s about support.
When you know someone else can see what you’re doing online, the decision to relapse gets interrupted.
You’re no longer isolated in the moment, you’re reminded that your actions matter, and someone has your back.
I often tell people:
“You don’t break free from porn prison alone. You break free from porn prison together.”
Tools like Ever Accountable make together possible, even if you’re physically walking this out solo.
💡 Why I Recommend It:
It adds friction. Temptation thrives in ease. This adds resistance.
It removes secrecy. When someone else can see your screen, the pull of relapse weakens.
It builds trust. With yourself and with others. No more hiding.
It fits into your life. Works on phones, tablets, laptops → whatever your daily environment includes.
PS - Accountability Software Episode is on the calendar for May, stay tuned!
Coaching Discounts for PFM Supporters
A PFM Community discount those who are supporting this mission:
15% OFF coaching for Paid Subscribers
20% OFF coaching for Founding Members
🗓️ To book your free 30-min consultation, either message me directly or email pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com and let’s talk about next steps in your recovery journey.
For more on coaching - Check out my About page.
Inspiration
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Porn Free Millennial to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.