F.A.S.T.T. Check-Ins

An important sobriety tool

Not all days are easy on this journey.

Decades of programming to unravel and rebuild.

Some days can feel light and smooth.

Some can grind you down.

Today, I am going to share a great daily tool that you can use and that I’ve consistently for almost two years, just about every day.

This tool has been essential to my recovery from problematic porn use and I think it can bring you great benefit.

This tool is called a FASTT check-in and it was developed by Dr. Milton Magness initially for sex addicts and their partners, but it can be applied to many areas of life.

In the article, I will break down what the FASTT acronym means and then will share how to actually do a FASTT check-in. Each letter will be a part of your check-in with yourself and/or your accountability partner.

Here are the definitions:

• Feeling - These are your internal emotions as displayed below (credit to my mentor Vern Tompke host of the podcast, Finding Traction, for providing me this). As you can see, typically you will either be getting your needs met or not when you are checking in. It’s important to share what feelings you are experiencing and to be honest about that. This helps set the tone of your check-in and your awareness of your current state.

• Actions in recovery - These would be active commitments that are moving you forward in recovery. I would recommend starting small with healthy habits/routines that you can start to build and maintain. For these actions, they need have a frequency that you strive for. Like they say, “to break a bad habit, you need to make a good habit”. Healthy habits sometimes can take 1-3 months to truly form and have a set place in your life so be patient and keep them simple. Some actions could include:

  • 7-8+ hours of sleep per night

  • Going on walks outside

  • Exercising

  • Eating healthy

  • Reducing screen time on your phone and social media

  • Reading books

  • More time with family, friends, or partner

• Slips/sobriety - This is where it can be a little tough to start as you need to be fully transparent with your partner. Here it is good to spill the beans on what may cross your “line”. It is important to set expectations for what that line is when you start and that is all dependent on you as an individual. To help clarify:

  • Slips: This would be more of the Yellow Light in the traffic light. CAUTION! I view this as an instance where you start to lose your momentum and progress. This could be scrolling way to long on your phone and wasting your day away or it could be scrolling through your phone searching for provocative images/videos. The term for this is edging. You are edging around your Red Light, your point of no return. These are instances that can lead to you losing your progress. Other examples could include:

    • Lying to yourself or your partner about unsound activity online or in real life

    • Checking someone out for an uncomfortable amount of time

    • Typing in names of celebrities or pornstars but not searching for them

    • Going to unsafe websites multiple times a day to test your will-power

    • Being pre-occupied mentally with sexual thoughts that are getting in the way of you functioning in your daily life

    • In other words, actions that are the opposite of your actions in recovery

  • Sobriety: This is your Red Line. STOP. The point of no return. For me personally, this is masturbating and/or watching pornography through photos/videos/gifs/etc. Now clearly, this definition will vary depending on where you are at. I would recommend being honest about what really gets you down the dark rabbit hole and leaves you feeling empty/terrible/upset/insert negative feeling after.

    • It’s REALLY important to remember that this is a JOURNEY that you are heroically embarking on. It is not easy and you will fail and that is OKAY. The more we can embrace where we stumbled and live in honesty, the stronger we will become in our journey.

    • Sometimes (speaking from experience) we can be incredibly hard on ourselves for crossing the line but the important thing is to LEARN from it and to “TRY AGAIN. FAIL AGAIN. FAIL BETTER” - Samuel Beckett

• Threats to recovery - These are things that you need to be aware of and call out with your partner. I sometimes laugh with my brother because we can call out anything that could trigger us, no matter how weird or awkward it might sound. Getting turned on by some anime cartoon, check it in. See some mountain tops that look like you know what, check it in. Feeling rather frisky when you wake up? Check it in. It could also be a cute girl at the gym or a magazine cover at the store. Literally, there are so many threats out there in our current day and age because sex sells. Although it may seem like an uphill battle, the more you call out these future threats to your recovery, the easier they can be managed. What once seemed like a losing battle will turn into your victory march. Here are some examples of threats to recovery:

  • Not getting enough sleep - causing lapses in judgement from exhaustion and irritation

  • Missing your actions in recovery: Going on walks, working out, not eating healthy, etc

  • Traumatic experiences

  • Relationship struggles

  • Tough conversations

  • Consistent negative emotions

  • Pre-occupation with unsound activity: online searches, unsound social media apps/sites, sexualizing/objectifying others, etc…

• Tools to combat those threats - These are methods in addition to your actions in recovery to combat your threats. For these, I would recommend being practical. For instance…If you really struggle with looking at porn on your phone at night, literally put your phone in another room that night. Create physical distance. Other methods can be:

  • Accountability software on your devices: CovenantEyes, Accountable2U, Bark

  • Ad Blocker software: Personally I use AdGuard to block unwanted sexual content on my devices

  • Taking a break from social media

  • Putting time limits on your phone for certain apps

  • Setting up specific times to shut down phone use at night

  • Setting up rewards and consequences linked with your adherence to your own rules

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Now a tool is only as good as the way it’s wielded so now I’ll discuss how to do a perform a check in and the the purpose of each aspect.

• FASTT check-ins are meant to be collaborative and build community. You can technically do these individually but ideally you want an accountability partner to join you.

• Great methods to check-in:

  • Phone call

  • Voice memo/recording

  • Email

  • FaceTime/Zoom

  • In person

• Frequency needs to be established:

  • Daily (what I’ve been doing with my brother)

  • Every other day or some other cadence

  • Weekly (what I typically do with my mentor & therapist)

• Ideally, starting with a mentor figure or someone at the same level of mindset/energy is the best way to start as they can hold you accountable and provide you with direct feedback. It’s important to be honest with yourself and your accountability partner and starting with someone you revere will help get you in the right mindset.

  • For me, my little brother is my best friend and has been with me through thick and thin. We have been consistently been doing FASTT check-ins for almost 2 years now and it’s been hands-down the best tool I’ve used to have success and growth in this recovery.

  • I do meet with my porn free mentor every other week and also check in with him weekly through text. My mentor is also the podcast host of Finding Traction, his name is Vern Tompke (fantastic podcast and great guy). His website is https://www.bandofbrothers.care if you are interested in coaching.

  • Lastly, I also meet with my therapist every other week and we focus on my overall goals in life and how to achieve them.

    • You want to avoid being in an echo chamber or with someone who is not on a similar path than you. Check-ins at that point can actually become harmful to your recovery and to your mindset. Make sure to pair yourself with someone you respect and don’t want to let down. This is about you but it is also about brotherhood and support. Linking up with a strong accountability partner is a great catalyst for personal discovery and growth.

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To conclude, I hope that defining a FASTT check-in as well as providing tips on how to get started has been beneficial. I’ve on the road now for almost three months, and there have been times where I nearly lost all of my progress and gave into false feelings of failure and shame. My FASTT check-ins have been a life-line and I look forward to them.

I look forward to them because it’s not just about me anymore.

It’s about the community that I have built with my little brother, my mentor, and my therapist.

It’s about being a better person and growing.

It’s about redemption.

It’s about triumph!

For more on FASTT check ins, check out my podcast #18. FASTT Check-Ins: A Powerful Recovery Tool - With My Brother, Noah on Apple and Spotify.