Breaking Up With Porn

My Break-Up Letter

This letter is the end of our relationship. At least the relationship we used to have.

(This letter was written on May 15, 2023)

Looking back, I can see that our relationship had some benefits, I can acknowledge that.

You taught me about my body and the thrill of pleasure. At the early age of 10, I could see what beauty looked like fully revealed and accessible. I gained so much wisdom for being so young.

You educated me about different techniques and positions which made me feel like the master. Someone with confidence, with skill, with power.

You were there to numb me where I did not want to encounter my trauma. The pains too deep to behold. You were the one who took them away, you provided me shelter. You provided me a place to hide from the monsters lurking in my mind. No person could do that for me.

You gave me the attention that I always deserved. You provided me anyone at my beck and call, fully undressed and ready to serve any of my needs.

You taught me how to be a man. How to take what is mine and how to demand attention. I deserved every second of it. I truly felt unstoppable at times.

You became my god, I worshipped every time you blessed me with your presence. You intoxicated me with ecstasy.

Then...

I started to realize…

That it was all a lie…All of it!

You turned me into something I never dreamed of becoming…

The monsters in my mind, incarnate.

From a lover, to a slayer.

From a builder, to a destroyer.

From a Christian, to a demon.

All of the trust I placed in you because of the powers you gave me…

All the lies I told to protect you, to defend you…

All of the times I betrayed the ones I loved, just to be with you…

You never loved me.

And you know what…